As I snuggle you into my arms with your bottle, wrapped up in your favourite blanky just the way you like it. Cuddling you as close to me as possible and tickling your face till you drift off to sleep, I remember a time before you were here and the uncertainty I felt before your arrival.
My eldest son Carter loved cuddling and kissing my belly his “bubby” as he called it, the whole pregnancy was fantastic we were so excited. We spent every spare second putting together the nursery, we didn’t find out the sex as it’s never really mattered to us so everything was mint and woodland themed, it was and still is a beautiful nursery.
The pregnancy flew by and before I knew it I was 38 weeks and I was at my appointment to make my c section date! As I left the appointment emotions flooded in, emotions that lead me to feel that I wasn’t ready,could it be possible for me to love another child as much as my first?
I’ve spent the last two years of my life with my entire world revolved around my son, Changing, playing, adoring this little human and have given my whole soul too.
Was there room in my heart for another?
I drove straight to my mums house and cried on her couch, and she comforted me and reassured me that you don’t squeeze them in your heart, your heart simply grows, a metaphor that at first, didn’t seem possible to me.
Before I knew it, it was the day before my c-section. I went and visited my family down at their office when my brother snapped this photo of me and my son.
I soaked up every second of the remaining minutes of the day, We stayed at my husbands parents house so my husband and I could leave very early in the morning for the c-section and wouldn’t need to wake Carter up.
5am the next morning came around quickly and my alarm went off, my mother in law crept in and said “it’s baby time”, I had not slept a minute.
It all started to kick in, my husband rushed around,grabbed my bags and we were about to walk out the door when I asked my husband and mother-in-law if I could go back for one more kiss goodbye, and that’s when my mother-in-law knew I was struggling, she cuddled me and assured me that “there is room in your heart for all of your babies” (she would know, she has 6) I went back for one more kiss,cuddled him, shed a few tears and then it was time, I had to leave or I’d be late.
The rest of the morning was an exciting blur. We were so excited to meet our new addition.We arrived to the hospital at 6 and as I arrived I was told “Mrs George, you’re up first” here we go, let’s do this!
On April 1st at 8:55am I was handed this beautiful bundle we named “Charlie Jude” and just like I was told my heart absolutely melted and my mummy instincts kicked in instantly, my handsome man was devine. He nestled into my arms and my heart from moment I laid eyes on him.
There was room in my heart! There was room!
I look back on my emotions and cannot even imagine feeling like that, my heart fits both of them perfectly.
My little Char-yee monkey, I’m sorry to have even felt as if I couldn’t fit you in my heart, from the moment I heard your little cry you have lighted up my entire world with your perfect face and those baby blues, oh those baby blues.
So mummies, if you are pregnant with number 2, take comfort in my words that you will absolutely have room in your heart for both your babies, not only does your family grow, but so does your heart.
But wait, what about #3? Will there be room?
We’ll get to that adventure later.